This song wrecks me to pieces
This song wrecks me to pieces
I am grateful for this Thanksgiving day. We began a new tradition, we cut down our own tree! It was an adventure and it was beautiful one…our tree now stands with a sense of pride and of certain humble, nobility in the living room amongst the living. I cant help but think that it looks…well,um…… HAPPY!…and even though its life is now certainly fleeting. I am confidant that it makes the littles, the four legged creatures and myself very happy inside. …for the story it has created in our memory and for the memories yet to be made.
“I am grateful for what I
am and have. My thanksgiving is
perpetual. It is surprising
how contented one
can be with nothing definite-
only a sense of existence.”
*Henry David Thoreau
My friend and I got all dolled up to go to a holiday soiree last night. As, we were en route, it was pouring rain….we changed our mind and went to the movie. In our lipstick, heels and dresses. It was the opening night of ‘Hunger Games’ but, we decided to see this movie.We chose the movie based on a gut feeling and well, the convenience of time… Having never seen the trailer or even knowing much about it…the first 15-20 mins, I was all ‘huh?, what the heck…Im going to get popcorn?’ ha! In the end I loved the story and how it made me feel and in leaving I was inspired to live more in the moment and I had the realization that I really,really love quirky/original people which this movie totally had; namely the patriarch of the movie and well, the main charachter and his sister…ok, the whole family was great! it made me really ponder how amazing it is to connect with another human being and how our family is what makes us whole and that I really love, LOVE in its purest form!
This is my living faith, an active faith, a faith of verbs: to question, explore, experiment, experience, walk, run, dance, play, eat, L♡VE, learn, dare, taste, touch, smell, listen, speak, write, read, draw, provoke, emote, scream, sin, repent, cry, kneel, pray, bow, rise, stand, look, laugh, cajole, create, cobfront, confound, walk back, walk forward, circle, hide, and seek.-Terry Tempest Williams
“Autumn came, with wind & gold…….Notice Autumn is more the season of the soul than of nature.”
“We do not grow absolutely,chronologically. We grow sometimes in one dimension, and not in another; unevenly. We grow partially. We are relative. We are mature in one realm, childish in another. The past, present. and future mingle and pull us backward, forward or fix us in the present. We are made up of layers, cells, constellations.” Anais Nin
I am still growing….
“Happiness is neither virtue nor pleasure nor this thing nor that, but simply growth. We are happy when we are growing.”
-William butler Yeats
I know, I post many of songs from them. It’s love and I wasn’t even aware we were courting, it just happened..The new album is out & I’m happy! These are the things I get to look forward and get excited about…I want to show the world my new shiny toy with pride!…I got emotional hearing this song for the first time….. ‘Gone”.& ‘Fire/Fear’& ‘lets be still’ touch my core. Grateful for my friend, music.
My Son has a friend named Sadie. He’s six, she’s five. She’s not like any of his other friends. She has a blonde bob, it shines in the sun….She has deep blue eyes, when told they are beautiful she states, both with unapologetic shrug of the shoulders, a red faced grin and scratchy voice, “they always are”. She has a whimsy magical, feisty way about her….she is my best guess when there in a knock on my door, she is the gypsy of the neighborhood…wandering from house to house barefoot and flitting about like a little sprite. You imagine her with a wand, working on some mischevious spell……I wonder if she has placed one on my son??? They bicker like an old married couple. I spotted my son tenderly wrap his arm around her neck and affectionately escort her outside to ride bikes, only to forget the time and have both parties of parents out searching the neighborhood as for their reckless yet, crime less whereabouts. I wonder how long this most magical, innocuous relationship will endure?? I imagine them as adults reminiscing fondly of one another and their most innocent connection they shared as children. Every boy needs a Sadie and every girl needs a boy who will be your best bud, but will look at her like she’s MAGIC!!!
“Not only did I love her,
but I could tell the
universe loved her, too.
More than others.
She was different.
After all, I would
be a fool not to notice
the way the sunshine
played with her hair.”
“Emma is not a person. Emma is a place you get stuck in . Emma is a pain that you cannot erase.” -Justin Vernon (Bon Iver)
When I’m not alone, I crave to be. When I am alone, I suffer from a perpetual emptiness…a restlesness…. it feels a lot like being homesick. I have learned home isnt a place but a person, a being, a presence,a feeling.. The desire for a warm, genuine embrace ..preferably from an ethereal source…..for the the heavy sigh of surrender and peace….this ache will be death of me.
I keep myself busy with the things I do. My head and my heart is full of elsewhere. Another, galaxy perhaps.
I walk my dogs…I skateboard too…I get lost in wonderland, I see friends…I talk to friends, have obnoxious fun,talk out our thoughts and bleeding hearts. I try to be present in my kids life..hug them,look in their eyes,listen,embrace them…I also, paint walls..over and over till they become thick from different colors,different moods…reflective.
Some days, on my lonely days….I catch myself tasking as if I’m zombie,mechanical,lost,empty…..but, wait I’m alive!!!!….as the wet streams down my face.
I am breathing?….I stop….listen….I hear……
“I am learning peacefulness, lying by myself quietly . As the the white lines on these white walls, this bed, these hands. I am nobody; I have nothing to do with explosions.”*Sylvia Plath
*birthday weekend with some of my favorite people and cathartic atmosphere. Thank you for being in my life and enriching me with your uniques beings xo.
“Women always try to tame themselves as they get older, but the ones who look the best are often a bit wilder.”
I AM 33 and youthful
I AM a wild heart ,blue jeans , a white tshirt and a sunday dress
I AM a dreamer and a realist
I AM an I dont know, a maybe and a YES!!!
I AM sunshine and awkward sadness
I AM grateful and desirous
I AM stubborn and full of grace
I AM confident and cautious
I am neurotic and calm
I AM a mother and a girl
I AM nonsense and truth
I Am confusion and cognition
I AM a warrior and poetry
I AM rooted and divergent
I AM love and loathing
I AM broken and whole
I AM chaos and balance
I AM goodness and sin
I AM detached and present
I AM not the same like the seasons I change….